You dont love yourself….

It’s funny how we hear this quite often and when were are told that we don’t “love ourselves’ we get so DEFENSIVE lol I was that person and I use to be that way until I fully understood what it meant…. I’m not here to judge because let me tell you I use to be that person. Tell me you love me, and you have officially suckered me in to giving you the world, I’d give you my last and allow you to treat me like shit because I needed a sense of security and was scared to be alone, so I settled. Cuss me out and deal with me when you felt like it, do you if you came home at night I don’t care as long as you were here, you love me, right? There was a void there that I knew about but I didn’t understand it, and I knew that it was unhealthy I was settling for any and every one that would “talk to me nice”. Sex had become my coping mechanism because it gave me a sense of power and gave me the attention, I needed for the moment, but I still was never satisfied, wrong move. I was missing the lack of love that my parental didn’t know how to give me at the time. I don’t blame them because they could only give me what they knew and were taught. I was so co-dependent in every relationship that I had ever encountered. I never communicated, which was the reason most of my “relationships” failed, I needed validation all the time even if it wasn’t true, I just needed to hear it to feel secure within myself, I would start arguments just because things were going too good like who tf who does that? It took me up until I was 28 years old just shy of 29 to discover self-love and truly understand the meaning of it . I knew that I was headed for destruction if I didn’t change my ways and if I didn’t love me properly that no one else would do the same. I couldn’t EXPECT someone to love me if my insecurities were written all over my face they stuck out like a sore thumb. I started taking CARE of me. Shadow work was my biggest task yet, I had to really sit down for days at a time and evaluate myself because I was so defensive all the time, everything that someone did TRIGGERED me. I was so angry, and I never understood why. I started giving less and doing MORE for myself, I was finally comfortable with saying NO and meaning it, I was finally comfortable with saying hey, you aren’t treating me the correct way and I won’t settle for this and was okay with walking away. I have a mirror with affirmations all around them because I started to believe that what you think and how you feel plays a big part, you must believe in yourself first and love yourself correctly before anyone else can do that. I’m happy with me, I am far from perfect, but I am and have been actively doing the healing work and only I can do that I was giving too much of me and my energy away. My parents have grown with me and its always a great feeling to get feedback or have conversations with them now that I couldn’t before. Heal yourself before you heal anyone else. Love yourself before you can properly love someone else. People are not your property, I gladly embrace self-love, solitude and being alone has become my safe place and my relationship with celibacy has become my best friend. At 29 I say this proudly and not ashamed and until I can find someone (or the universe) sends me someone that is in my alignment….